Ah, what the heck . . . we need some humor . . .
Taken shamelessly from Everything.com
If you are a habitual smoker, or even a casual smoker, eventually a situation will arise where you are without the protection of clothing and desiring a cigarette. This can be a dangerous situation. There are precautions you must take that under other circumstances would not be as necessary. Often a jittery smoker will grab a bathrobe or quickly slip into filthy, disease carrying clothes they find on the floor. This is not necessary! You can smoke in the nude in relative safety provided you follow some simple, common sense rules!
- When lighting the cigarette, be cautious with the flame. A self-extinguishing lighter is recommended, but when using a match or some other form of flame that will remain lit after igniting your fine tobacco product, be careful. Extinguish matches immediately, but do not shake the match. If it cannot be placed into water, toss it down and away from your body. If an ashtray is available, immediately place the match in the ashtray while standing clear. Do not ignite other items, such as curtains or bed linens.
- Hold the cigarette away from your body. As you take a hit from your fine tobacco product, make sure you have a good grip on the cigarette and then lift it up and away from your naked body. This will help avoid any unexpected burns from flaming debris which may drop from your fine tobacco product. Many commercial cigarettes contain a quantity of sticks, used diapers and pubic hair. These tiny bits of foreign matter can often explode with hot flame and drop like miniature bombs. Don't allow your naked body to become a modern Dresden.
- Find a comfortable position. Smokers will often walk around with a cigarette, ranting about various personal and political issues while enjoying their fine tobacco product. This becomes dangerous when naked, and frankly, when others are present it also becomes very annoying. Sit down while enjoying your fine tobacco product and remember that you must avoid permanently disfiguring yourself. I advise sitting with both feet firmly on the ground with your elbows on your thighs.
- Concentrate on the cigarette. Keep an eye on your fine tobacco product and remember to "flick" your ash regularly. Do not let your mind wander. Keep your mind and your eyes on the cigarette. Falling ash or flaming debris could destroy an otherwise exciting and fulfilling experience.
- Have a designated hand. Decide before lighting your cigarette which hand will be designated to hold your fine tobacco product. Frequent switching of hands can jar the cigarette and cause ash or flaming debris to be jolted into the air. Keeping with a designated hand will help to eliminate much of this danger.
- Use an ashtray of some kind. Whether you have a formal ashtray or not, it is best when nude to have a depository of ash and flaming debris. A bottle or can will work if nothing else is available. If your ash is allowed to fly freely you may find yourself permanently scarred later on when your bare feet or knees land on something hot.
- Get up, you lazy shit. One of the most common reasons for smoking a cigarette while nude relates to having just experienced wonderful sex. This is often experienced in a bed and the desire to smoke a fine tobacco product can arise immediately after sexual gratification. Lying naked in bed and smoking is a romantic notion, but alas the danger is increased. Your body may still be tingling and your concentration is not what it normally would be. Sit up, with your upper body at a ninety degree angle before igniting and smoking your fine tobacco product and insist that your friend (or friends) do the same. Avoid jostling each other or initiating new sexual play while smoking.
- Extinguish smoking product carefully. All good things must end, and every fine tobacco product reaches the point where it has outlived its usefulness. When the time comes to "put out" your cigarette, think about the consequences. Jabbing the flaming stick of evil cancerous death into an ashtray or other vessel can cause ash and flaming debris to jump into the air and land in random locations. Take care as your smoking experience comes to an end. Keep your eye on the cigarette butt as you carefully plant it into your ashtray and massage it into the extinguishing vessel until you are sure it has stopped smoldering completely.
There are many situations that arise where smoking and nudity are common occurances. Nudist colonies, nude beaches and nudist groups often admit smokers and post stringent rules about how one must enjoy fine tobacco products. There are people who rarely wear clothes in the privacy of their own homes and choose to enjoy fine tobacco products. Those who are experienced rarely need rules pointed out to them. They have often learned via their own errors in judgment.
There are also special situations in which an average Joe might find themselves naked and desiring a fine tobacco product. You might be taking a long bath, in which case the water in the tub provides a natural insulation against ash and flaming debris. The most important rule in any such situation is to be careful. Remember that your bare skin is opposed to being burned and that the primary reason clothing was invented was to protect our beautiful bodies from flaming tobacco products.
Of course there are other forms of fine tobacco than the common cigarette. There are other products which can be smoked when one is naked. Special caution must be taken with a pipe and only experienced pipe smokers should smoke a pipe while naked. One who is not experienced in the ways of the tobacco pipe may find much ash and flaming debris flying into the air, especially if one accidently exhales with the pipe in one's mouth. A cigar is also very dangerous to smoke when nude as one does not "flick" the ash and the volume of potential flaming debris is increased, especially if it is a cheap cigar. Products such as marijuana cigarettes are very popular with nude smokers and carry their own dangers. Smoking of marijuana may make it difficult to concentrate on the fate of ash and flaming debris. Depending on the quality of product and the ability of the marijuana cigarette roller, you may experience great danger to your exposed body. A pipe, bong, or other smoking apparatus may be better when one chooses not to wear clothing.
Just be careful out there. Someone might be watching. They might be crazy. They might be armed.